My Grandmother Part I

2007-09-07T01:23:38Z

My grandmother , my mother's mother, died August 31, almost a week ago. This incredible human being, this loving soul, this wonderful person's heart stopped around 5am. Her heart had been beating for over 99 years, if you count in utero time. Technically, she was 98 9/12 years old. I miss her and all she stood for and all she meant to me, terribly.

She really hasn't been with us for several years. Alzheimers, a horribly wicked disease, took over her mind and left her body. She never wanted any advanced life support including fluid or tube feedings so when she stopped eating one week prior to her death, it was a matter of time. She died peacefully, in no distress...her heart slowed down, her breathing slowed down and it just stopped. I live over 2 and half hours away. I wasn't there when she died. But, my sister and two cousins were.

The last three years of her life, she had resided in a nursing home. My aunt and mother took turns caring for her prior to that but her needs progressed to the point neither one of them could continue and the difficult decision to place her in a nursing home was made.

It wasn't one of those fancy nursing homes. She wouldn't have known whether it was or not and would not have wanted one anyway. She was in her own world. But those caring people of that nursing home took excellent care of my grandmother and loved her. Several came to say good-bye as she was dying. Some came in early or stayed late just to be able to do so. Some showed up at the funeral.

My grandmother's own world her last few years seemed pleasant. She smiled a lot. She would say some simple things, repeat some things you said. I would intentionally ask or say things just to get a response out of her that reminded me of my "whole" grandmother. The staff kept her in a geri-chair or wheelchair with a guard on it to keep her from trying to get up and wonder off. Sometimes she would just wheel herself around the nursing home almost racing with that wheelchair. I wonder what her mind was thinking? Where was she going?

I didn't see her very much after "the change". It was hard for me to see her like that, she not knowing who I was being the eldest of her grandchildren, her favorite, as she often had whispered to me in previous more lucid years. But I did visit some and it was hard to see her body gradually deteriorate, growing thinner and thinner, yet she would smile.

I went to see her Sunday before the Friday she died. I was taken aback. There she was lying in a fetal position. I would speak in her ear and she would mumble some and occasionally said yes or no. She would scratch her head, something I mentioned to my mother. Ever since my mother has known her and I, as well, she would scratch her head. It's interesting those habits remain even in the dying.

My grandmother lived a long life but not an easy one. Yet, I never detected any cynicism. She was born in 1908. She had a sister, Lois, a year younger than she as well as two younger brothers. When my grandmother was 7 or 8, within a 10 day period of time, she lost her two brothers and mother to what I suspect was the Influenza pandemic at that time. So much loss within such a short period of time. Her father was a barber and she said they were poor; people didn't get haircuts during the depression. Historically though, that time period was before the Great Depression. She did graduate from high school which back then was like graduating from college. Many people did not do that. She also worked to help support the family. She was very bright, articulate.

At some point, she married my biological grandfather and moved from Albemarle, NC to Rock Hill, SC. She worked doing office work in textiles. I'm not sure what my grandfather did. My mother was born in 1937. When she was 4 or 5, her father, my grandmother's first husband came down with tuberculosis. He was sent to the TB hospital in Columbia, SC and died in April 1945. My mother was 7 and my grandmother was 36.

She moved in with her sister Lois who was living in Rock Hill who's husband had also died. Lois' children, Sam and Gene were like brothers to my mother. My grandmother persevered. A friend of hers, to help her get over the loss of her husband, invited her to NYC in August 1945. She was sitting in a Times Square cafe when sirens, horns and all sorts of commotion sounded. Japan had surrendered. Everyone ran into the streets. My grandmother was kissed by a soldier. Lots of kissing that day! I love that story.

I don't know when my grandmother met my grandfather, the one I adored. Doing the math, I believe they were married in 1949. My grandfather's first wife was killed in a car accident. He had a daughter, my aunt. An instant family was blended, formed. And, their love for each other grew.

I want to share more later.

gussiedupsc

My Grandmother Part I